Saturday, 3 December 2011

The Urge to not Purge

When do you delete an "important" electronic communication?

As a prudent person, your immediate response will be why do you want to delete something that is important? But a question does not answer a previous question. It just initiates a questionnaire with no one willing to answer.

Back in the days when making paper from trees was an accepted thing, you would get all your communication the postal route and you could either keep it or file it and it would stay till willingly shredded or destroyed by arson, termites, or Acts of God. With rising costs and more campaigners to save trees, almost all your required communication now takes the electronic route.

Electronic communication is indeed faster and economical. But it also creates a lot of discomfort by the fact that unless opened on a screen you can't really see it. Pointing to a Hard Drive and claiming it holds a few thousand document is not really helpful if the documents do not open on a screen. You can hold them but you can't see them. Theft is also easy. They will fit on something no larger than your thumb nail.

Anyway, with e-communication being the fastest and cheapest way at reaching out to people, you are facing a barrage of, at times, useless chatter coming to you. Ordinarily a confirmation of change of address request is you receiving your mail at the new address. Now you will receive confirmation of this change by email, text and even a phone call. Do you keep these messages as important or delete them. With no paper backups, you are at a loss to know what to do and prefer to err on the side of caution by storing them. The super cautious may take a print and defeat the very purpose of going paperless.

So what all is coming to you electronically? Bank statements, brokerage statements, bills, sales campaigns, transaction records and what not. How do you store these things.

  1. Retain the emails in your mail box.
  2. Download the attachments that came with the email and store them in a folder in your hard drive.
  3. Do a and b above.
  4. Back up emails and your hard drive with a desk top external storage device.
  5. Back up on line.
  6. Do a, b, d, and e above.
  7. Do f above and take a print of all communication, file them and create cross references.

Electronic communication has created more record keeping issues than paper communication. Also the fact that it has actually increased cost to the recipients than the senders. There is more time spent in checking mails, storing attachments and sifting through junk mail figuring what is important and what is not. Also there is the danger of emails bouncing due to full mailboxes giving rise to the risk of losing out on the truly important communication.

But as time progresses, there is no going back. These are some of the perils of modern day mail and unless one chooses to live in a cave, there is no escaping it.
Happy storing and happy purging friends.

Saturday, 12 November 2011

Words of Edward Abbey

Words that hold good even today. This is something that was part of my reading material on the environment.

“One final paragraph of advice: Do not burn yourselves out. Be as I am – a reluctant enthusiast... a part-time crusader, a half hearted fanatic. Save the other half of yourselves and your lives for pleasure and adventure. It is not enough to fight for the WEST; it is even more important to enjoy it. While you can. While it’s still here. So get out there and hunt and fish and mess around with your friends, ramble out yonder and explore the forests, encounter the GRIZZ, climb the mountains, bag the peaks, run the rivers, breathe deep of that yet sweet and lucid air, sit quietly for a while and contemplate the precious stillness, the lovely mysterious and awesome space. Enjoy yourselves, keep your brain in your head and your head firmly attached to the body, the body active and alive, and I promise you this much: I promise you this one sweet victory over our enemies, over those deskbound men with their hearts in a safe deposit box and their eyes hypnotized by desk calculators. I promise you this: you will outlive the bastards.”

Edward Abbey

Thursday, 8 September 2011

Some More Things That Scare you

My earlier post saw a flurry of responses and a lot new fears coming out. I have taken the liberty of posting some.
While the fear of subways has already been mentioned, there is a fear of fast trains as well, more particularly when you have been involved in train crash. And those accustomed to travelling by Indian Railways will well be aware of the art of using a toilet while rolling on the tracks. In comparison with the facilities on board an aircraft, the toilets on these trains are quite spacious with lots of head room. But be not take comfort with the size for the real danger lies somewhere else. What will raise your eye brows and stop you from going past the door will be the sight of the hole in the floor with the tracks running underneath. Scared already?
Many a user has lost their wallets, glasses and phones while attempting to use one of the above. The rolling of the train only adds “excitement” to the experience.
Moving from trains to water, I have been reported of the fear of water sports. Some are scared of venturing in to the ocean at the beach. But water sports are a new category. I need to name that one as hydrosportophobia – the fear of water sports.
And then we move to a variety of fear in the air or should I say in the aircraft. While flying itself is a fear, an air pocket certainly scares the contents of your stomach out of either ends. There has been at least one incident involving a friend of mine going white in the face not knowing which end he should control from involuntarily opening up.
Landing back on to earth, lizards do scare almost everyone. There have been a few incidents involving my family members who have been blessed with a lizard falling on them or attempting to climb them. I use the word “bless” as, apparently, a lizard falling on one is considered good luck. But don’t ever step on one. I had the misfortune of stepping one. It sounded like a pea pod popping open. I still scrub my feet every time I think about it.
Moving to the larger cousin of the lizard is the crocodile. Quite a fearsome being it is. One not just has to be wary of its tears but also its bite. I have been given a solution for overcoming this fear. Eat the meat and get some boots made. A good solution so long you don’t end up lining the crocs innards while attempting some lunch.
All this makes me wonder if there is a fear of fears. I am sure there is name for that. Have a good one folks and let not a fear bring out a tear.

Tuesday, 6 September 2011

The Things That Scare You

Every person has some fears. While some have the fear of flying, some are afraid of water. And there are some who are afraid of flying over water. Yes indeed fears can be of the weirdest kind and they will hit when you are least expecting them. Fear of spiders, snakes, lizards, and the list can be endless.
I have this cousin who refused to use a pan/squat toilet out of fear that he would slip in to it and go down the hole all the way to the sea. Though that’s a bit impossible to happen to a 5 foot 60 kilo person.
Some people are scared of using the subway. Some are claustrophobic and therefore the fear. But why would anyone be afraid of riding a train.
Most fears occur only after someone tells you of them. Most of us are afraid of ghosts though very few have seen one. And the ones who tell you about ghosts are the ones who have never experienced one.
Is there any way of conquering fear? May be yes and maybe not. Some may tell you that the easiest way to conquer fear is to live it out. So does that mean you go to a haunted house or have a spider crawl all over you? And what about the fear of water? Do you go for a swim and risk drowning.
Some years back, I read a news article of ground water table in Florida having risen to a level that it was over the ground. This had led to reptiles of all sorts to seek shelter wherever they could. One woman had found a snake in her toilet lying all coiled up at the base of the pot. Now that really scarred the shit out of me. Seriously, no jokes. There you are sitting on the john looking for some comfort and all you can think of is something lurking beneath waiting to have a go at you.
Now think of what can be scarier than having the urge to use the loo at night in the middle of a black out.
Have a happy fear.

Monday, 22 August 2011

Just Anna

1.       Manmohan’s favourite song: Just Anna-ther day in Paradise
2.       If everyone insisted on wearing a “topi” correctly, there would be less number of corrupt people born.
3.       Bollywood News: Bipasha Basu is acting in a remake of a Raj Kapoor Film. It’s called Anna-ri.
4.       What fruit is yellow/green, oblong, thorny on the outside, sweet inside and wears a topi. It’s an “Anna-nas” (pineapple).
5.       Sir dard ho ya badan dard khao sirf “Anna-cin”.
6.       A new disease is affecting those in the government. It’s called AIDS – Anna immune deficiency syndrome.
7.       If you have suddenly developed weight loss, cover your head with a topi, and talk of a freedom struggle; you need not worry, it’s just a case of Anna-nitis. Symptoms last till you realise you need to earn a living.
8.       Deewar remake: “Mere paas 2G hai, adarsh hai, CWG hai, Air India hai, Sukhna hai, Tumhare paas kya hai? “Mere paas Anna hai”.
9.       First Indian on the moon: Neil Anna-strong.
10.   Indian super hero: Supermanna

Bollywood Once Again

1.       Rajnikanth’s new film: Robot Anna
2.       Anil kapoor in and as Mr. Anna
3.       Salman Khan’s latest hit, Hum aapke ke hain Anna
4.       Priyanka Chopra in Saat Anna Maaf
5.       Amitabh Bachchan says, “Rishtey mein hum tumhare Anna lagte hai, naam hai shahenshah”
6.       Shahrukh Khan is now going “My name is Anna, and I want to meet the Prime Minister”.
7. Watch Aamir Khan’s sequel “3 Annas”.

Tuesday, 9 August 2011

Hygiene Jim in a Hygienic Gym

This morning as I sauntered into my gym for my at least once a week workout, a new sign on the entry door greeted me.
“Members are requested to carry their own towels on the gym floor and wipe the machines after use for hygiene reasons”.
Very interesting.
My initial thoughts were:
  1. Members were not bringing their own towels;
  2. Since they were not bringing their own towels, they were using other people’s towels;
  3. Such people using other peoples used towels were wiping machines
  4. And therefore it is unhygienic for the machines.
Now that may make sense but let’s get to the root of all this.
It is very common for someone to say and for someone to hear someone saying “I am going to the Gym to sweat it out”.  And a Gym is a place where, well, you will sweat if you are exercising. And you will also sweat when you see the “oh so well shaped” women tone their butts while sticking their chest out.
So then it is quite established that you sweat in a gym and you go to the gym to sweat and deliberately if one must say. So where does the hygiene factor come into play in all this.
In a gym kit the most common items will be shorts/pants, shirt, shoes and socks, and yes a towel to wipe your sweat. So as a prudent person, you will don your gym clothes and exercise and as you do so, you will wipe the watery excretions from your skin commonly called as sweat. But as a prudent person will you also use the same towel to wipe the seat of the exer-cycle on which you have been resting your posterior for the last 20 minutes and which earlier carried the behind of someone else. How hygienic is that?
If you wipe the seat as mentioned above with your own sweat filled towel, you would not be wiping the sweat of the seat but only spreading it over a wider area. And this is what most gyms want you to do. Spread the Sweat is the message. Your fellow gym mate waiting to take over the machine once you are done also expects it from you. The snooty woman with a body that will make a hippo look starved will give you a sharp “Excuse me but you have not wiped the back and seat of this machine” shout as if you just left a trail of loosies.
Is there a solution to this? Well, yes and no.
For those who watch the floor cleaner adverts very carefully, you will notice that a micro-scope will show some worm like bacteria/viruses wriggling and squiggling. A second later one wipe of the so called highly potent floor cleaner will eliminate all leaving one or two surviving. What is being displayed is not the fact that the surviving ones had been inoculated but the fact that only 99 % of the bacteria/viruses have been eliminated. Moral of the story, there will never be 100 % hygiene.
So goes for the Gym story. Other than having a janitor standing alongside every machine with cleaning solution and wipes, this problem is going nowhere and here to stay. Though the other solution being sticking super absorbent pads on your hind and back or having throwaway covers.
Friends, let us be good to each other. Please wear clothes and exercise. Your risk of catching some rash will only be greater if you are working out naked. Though there will be enough people to ogle at your risk taking capacity but only if you are a super model otherwise spare a thought for the poor blokes around you. Don’t be a pig.
Happy gyming and happy wiping.

Tuesday, 19 July 2011

Signs You Should Not Ignore

Signs around you, thought provoking but nevertheless funny. Enjoy.
·         Fruit Bowel $ 5
·         Do not urinate on wall. Ghost lives here.
·         Marriage Hole on first floor.
·         Do not ask for directions.
·         Yu Chu Hoo, Family Dentistry.
·         Plumbar and Weldar available. Enquire within.
·         Menu Musings
  • Chikan Samdwitch
  • Grilled Chinese
  • Sweet and Spicy Balls
  • Fried French
  • Indian Chinese
·         Public Restroom:
Toilet: $ 1
Bath: $ 2
Urine: Free
·         Dangerous Bitch. Stay away from the water.
·         Trespassers will be prostituted.
·         Outsiders who park there car here will have there air taken out.
·         Restaurant signs
  • Do not comb your hair at the table.
  • No sharing food.
  • No joining tables.
  • Marriage parties will not be allowed to sit for more than 45 minutes.
  • No business meetings allowed.
  • Left-Over Food will not be packed.
  • Do not wash hands in your plate.
  • Do not spit in the wash basin.

Always read the signs around you and be forewarned of the path ahead. And if you do notice any “Spellographic” errors on this blog, do not hesitate to post a sign. Cheers.

Tuesday, 12 July 2011

Stupid Answers to Stupid Questions

Have you ever been caught in a situation where you have been asked a question and you are unable to answer because of the stupidity of that question?
Many years back I had found a small turtle by the road side that had probably wandered away from its usual habitat. A local pet shop advised me to release it in the nearby park. Accordingly I carried it to the park. As I was walking towards the lake, a young man stopped to take a look at what I was carrying. The following question left me quite speechless or rather stumped.
“Is there something inside it”? asketh the man.
Now what should have been the answer? What I was carrying was the something. Yes there was something inside what I was carrying but then it was attached to the thing on the outside. Or there was nothing inside what I was carrying and nothing inside the outside of the thing on the man’s shoulder.
Then there is that typical question that one gets asked at cause specific locations like the Doctor’s office.
“Hi! What are you doing here?”
Unless you are the doctor, nurse, compounder or a medical rep here are some instant answers:
“I am here to catch a new disease”
“I stopped eating apples”
“I am cooking turkey and had to get it cleaned. I believe this Ob/Gyn does a good job”
Now one can understand if you are a man and are at an Ob/Gyn’s office which would mean you are accompanying someone unless you are in a related profession. However even women get asked this question by fellow women.
In the men’s/women’s room
“I am the new facilities manager”
“I love hanging in here”
“This place rejuvenates me”
“The sound of flushing water is music to my ears”
 I am developing answers to such questions. If you know of some typical ones do share them through the comments link.
Anyway here is an interesting anecdote. Though may be unrelated to today’s subject, but still funny and I thought of sharing it with you.
A young lady was writing a note to a legal counsel.
“Dear Sir, please hand over to the bearer of this note the brief with you. Also hand over your other brief to the same person”.
Poor guy. This sounds like robbery. What if he had only two briefs and this lady wants both of them. Is he going to be left unsupported?

Sunday, 19 June 2011

Who are you talking to?

Communication has brought the world closer. It has made you slower.
Every day as I set out to work, I encounter several amongst the hordes of people on their way to work chatting away on their cell phones. Whom are these people talking to?
For the past several months, it has been of common observance to me of a whole lot of office goers talking on their cell phones blissfully unaware of what’s happening around them. The motion of walking is only incidental to the main activity of the continuing conversation which suspiciously looks informal and less business. The fact that they have to move is only a sub-conscious act of their reason to leave home and get to work.
I will call them the “blah blah walker”.
The phone conversation continues immaterial to the action of the body. Catching a moving bus/train, buying a ticket with the phone cradled between the shoulder and the ear, pushing someone to get to the exit are just minor irritants to otherwise a bitchy talk.
Any conversation has to be between at least two people. While one may be imaginary, there will still be one doing the talking. And in a phone conversation, it will be the caller who will be doing most of the talking. What amazes me that there is a listener who also has time to spare at such a morning hour, when most of the world is in a hurry to get to work and begin the day. Can’t some conversations wait or better still what is the hurry to relate to a needy ear and pass information faster than you can dial or in this age punch a number.
When cell phones were invented, it was to bring the world closer. But rather I say the world has become slower and dangerous.
Is any talker on the road aware of their actions or inactions may lead to? Did they knock off another walker? Did they miss getting hit by a vehicle/train/bus? Did they cause anxiety to a motorist?
Many a car driver has been left honking away at a blah blah walker who is unaware that he is blocking the road and other traffic. Tempers soar and so does rage. A green light missed, travel time lengthened, and a motorist red with anger.
A commuter knocked off by a train while busy in a phone conversation and walking on the edge of the platform may now be common news. A reason for trains to be delayed by up to half an hour and another reason for exams to be missed and late arrivals for office goers.
And guess what, the morning scene repeats in the evening. It’s like a television announcement. The show will be telecast again “same time every day” or more like “on the hour, every hour”.
So the Blah Blah Walker is an evil you have to live with. But there is another evil who lives in an office cubicle called the “Blah Blah Sitter” who will chatter incessantly through the day disturbing the lives of fellow cubicle beings. And wonder or wonders it will be the same Blah Blah Walker in a less dangerous role.

But does work really happen with a Blah Blah Sitter around? I once sat through a cubicle conversation on urine infection, the burning sensation and how to be examined. I no longer drink lemonade.
While the government urges you not to drink and drive, I urge you not to talk and drive.
Be responsible folks. Don’t walk the talk, at least not on a phone call.

Saturday, 14 May 2011

When Nature Calls

What is with people and cell phones? Why do people have to multitask when talking on a cell phone?
With landlines you had to sit at one place and all you could do was whatever that was within your reach. With cordless phones your area of reach widened but was mostly within the confines of one’s house due to limited range of the phone. However with the advent of the cell phones, multitasking has taken a completely new meaning. You can drive, eat, fetch coffee, mail, and visit the toilet as well. One of the most irritating habits of cell phone bearing people is to carry on conversations and ablutions at the same time. Of course this habit may rank at par with people who leave their office desks when on a call and carry on the conversation whilst pacing around other people’s desks and more so often around your desk.
Most corporations release a Job Description for prospective recruits. One of the requirements is the ability to prioritize. Multitasking is another requirement. But what is it with people who insist on taking a phone call and a leak at the same time. Is it because they want to show that they can prioritize (at par priority) or they want to show that they are good at multitasking or both.
Visit a corporate restroom or for that matter any public restroom and there will be at least one person standing in a urinal cradling his phone between his shoulder and ear and contributing to the facilities. And even though he may be done watering the plants, he will not move because of the associated risk of dropping the phone while packing and zipping up.
The ones with a hands free system are a class apart. To start with, they think they are from star trek talking to Scotty waiting to be beamed up. You will see them standing in a urinal, looking down and mostly whispering or talking softly. And what do these conversations sound like,
“hee hee hee hee what a joke”
“A 10 % haircut is the max I can give you”
“How about a beer/dinner/movie tonight”
“I love you”
“Looking good”
“Where have you been?”
For someone new to such conversations and with the hands free hidden from view, it’s best not to stand next to such a person.
Restroom stalls have become the new private telephone booths. Invariably people tend to make the most of their time in here returning missed calls or catching up with friends/girlfriend/wife and under the assumption that if no one can see what they are doing, no one can hear what they are saying (and even what they are doing). The primal activity being the reason they are sitting on a porcelain throne may or may not be achieved, but it will surely have one pale faced, stomach/butt clutching gentleman waiting outside the door.
But sometimes I do wonder whether some of the conversations really have any emotions attached to them considering the mood and situation of the caller. Each of the following has an attendant action.
“I love you sweetheart. You are the only one in my life” (that is some relief)
“Yes dear, we will try to work it out” (no more spicy chicken for lunch)
“I will get the moon for you” (phew, almost there)
And in all this, is the hygiene factor ever factored. You finish your job, and in most cases walk out the door without washing your hands. And if you do wash your hands, do you wash your cell phone as well because that is what you were holding (amongst other things).
While I have written the happenings in the male domain, observations from the women’s room (as well as men’s room) are most welcome via the comments section given below. Though I have been given to understand that there are a whole lot of sob sessions about MIL’s cruelty, and non-caring husbands/boyfriends.
And all the discussion leads to one question, whose call is important?
Unfortunately there is no silent, mute or cancel key for nature’s call.
(This is the first of a multi part series. So keep logging in for updates and new posts)

Tuesday, 3 May 2011

Lost in Transliteration

It is said that you can be fluent in a language if you start thinking in that language.
Commonly any new language a person speaks is initially thought out in the native language before it is spoken. This is typical when one learns a foreign language and not as much when one speaks another local or regional language. Many a times, what is conveyed has a distinct regional or colloquial touch to it. It may not be uncommon to find “parchuran expenses” in “balance shits” in western parts of India.
While addressing someone of importance, especially in public gatherings and more importantly for ministers and politicians, it is traditional to add the suffix “bhai”, “behen”, “sahib”, amongst others, and followed by the all important “ji” to one’s name. One chooses to display one’s closeness or servility in a corporate set up by addressing a designated senior by adding “sir”, “madam”, or “boss” to the name, be it in speech or in writing. One even sees letters being signed off as “respectfully yours” and “your obedient servant” though the latter is no longer commonly seen. And there has also been a case where a newly recruited executive in his eagerness to please his supervisor, signed off a letter conveying his “hot regards”. It was quite touching.
It is not that far in time that a senior manager in a leading company received a letter from one of his regional managers seeking approval for purchase of some necessary items. One such item was a “chaste” to keep money and other important papers. He further went to reason his requirement by stating that “the teller should have strong drawers”.
Talking of modern communication, one may have received emails informing them of documents being “sented” as attachments followed by another email with an apology as the documents were not attached with the earlier mail and therefore being “resended”.
If in office never by lazy or tardy else you will be branded as “loose” and woe befall a woman in such a category. Don’t be confused if your boss who sits on the upper floor calls you and enquires whether “you are coming on top at any time”. Always remember to inform your boss’s secretary that “you are going down for smoke” so she informs you when you are needed.
We love to dress in the latest fashions and move with the trends. No wonder we see people in “jeans pants”, “jeans pants shirt”, “jeans skirt” and also “lining shirt and lining pant”. Women feel confident wearing lacy “lingeree”, so say the ads. But sometimes “heighted” people have problems finding the right fit.
Typically “Are you going out?” is a question. “You are going out” is not a statement but also a question with the question mark in the tone of the speaker or maybe on her face. “You are going out na” is a statement cum question where the addressee had previously expressed a desire to go out. It can also be extended by saying “yes or no”. You can always start your speech by saying “arre” and ending with “na” or “no”. “Arre yesterday I went to the park na, I saw a man sitting under a tree. You said he is a swami no”. One can also expect a little melodrama when some justification starts with “You see, what happen no..”
One has brothers and sisters. One also has “co-brothers” and “co-sisters” though it has nothing to do with co-opting someone as a brother or sister. Don’t be overjoyed if any of them ask you “if you could leave them on your way” for they are just asking for a ride home.
We love sports and cricket is not just about batting but also about “balling” and “feelding”. And if you are similar in “facing” to the God of cricket don’t forget to cash on it or you will be “one tappi out”.
So next time you go to the mall, don’t feel bad if a friend catches you and says “hmm eating a burger alone alone” because “his father what goes”.

And there's lots more. So folks, go figure.

Friday, 29 April 2011

The Worrisome Twosome

In the past years of driving from the day I got my license, I inevitably have gotten stuck behind a car that simply refuses to move and neither allows you to go beyond its speed. It is as irritating as the bit of turd that keeps hanging to your bowels while you attempt to shake it off. While patience and tact will get you around both the obstacles, there is definitely a pattern for the traffic kind and a curse on you the day you are in hurry.
My patience in these situations has led to some classification of situations.
The Taxi Twosome: This is the ubiquitous Premier Padmini that came out first on the production line but with a registration that probably belonged to the last of the product. This one will have a passenger seated next to the driver and travelling at a speed just above stalling. I strongly suspect that the vehicle is in neutral gear and moves solely on the pull exerted by the vehicles overtaking it. The passenger is no passenger but a friend of the driver and with the duo having started from Colaba on a mission to help another taxi in distress at Mira Road. No amount of honking, yelling, or cursing will break through the barrier of deafness and blindness that surrounds these friends in front. By the time you are about to succeed in your nth attempt to pass this black and yellow hog, you have reached your destination in a mood most foul and dreading a really bad day.
There is another variation of the taxi twosome though this time in the back seat and definitely at a level beyond just friends. This is the caper of man and woman in tangled lip locks on the low and broad back seat of the model of taxi mentioned above. The length of journey is the same but with definite instructions to the driver to make time last as long as possible and make it a pleasurable experience. Though many wouldn’t mind sticking behind this one for some sheer voyeurism and a few laughs at the antics of this duo, one would also have to wrestle other vehicles jostling to get your enviable position. You may notice that cars around this taxi quite coincidentally also move at the same speed. Pain and Pleasure go hand in hand for this one.
The Talkative Twosome: This will be a private vehicle with the owner at the wheel and a passenger on the side who could be either friend or foe (wife). Here is a case of someone who cannot conduct two tasks mutually. The driver in this case is the talker and the passenger the listener. The driver cannot drive and talk at the same time. If he is talking, he has to look at the passenger so that he is clear to whom he is talking to and maybe ensuring his words fall on the right ears. This means that he momentarily stops driving everytime the mouth opens thereby slowing down his car and increasing the chances of a collision due to lack of attention on the road. The accompanying passenger meanwhile has no choice but to look at the road ahead and compensate for the driver’s duty to look out for lurking dangers.
This one needs great tact to move ahead. The perpetrator car will always move to the side you intend to overtake and block your advances. So while passing this one make sure to lure this car to one side and overtake it from the other, of course at your own risk.
The Sloth Biker Couple: This is of course man and woman on a motorised cycle, neither married nor in a relationship. I say this because, the married rider will be moving his wife to her destination in the shortest possible time, and the one in a relationship will be travelling to no destination but moving at a speed directly proportional to the tightness of the rear hug bestowed by his pillion rider upon him.
The sloth Biker Couple will be riding just at the right edge of the lane giving you the impression that you can move ahead but in reality ensuring you a really tight squeeze between the bike and the car in the next lane. This is an extremely frustrating experience as you can see a clear road ahead with a green light signalling you but for this edge rider in front of you. The rider is someone who thinks he is on the verge of a relationship with the woman on the pillion and probably has got her sitting in the rear for the first time. This is something he wants to cherish and boast his friends. He wants the hand that clutches his shoulder for safety to remain as long as possible; so longer the ride, longer the enjoyment.
The only way you can get past this obstacle is to change lanes or wait till the next red light where you can inch past him and then zoom ahead the moment the light turns green.
These are some of the perils of driving on the roads of Mumbai. There can be quite a shocker in disguise at times. On a particular occasion, I had the misfortune of being stuck behind a taxi with the usual pattern but lacking a twosome. The person on the backseat appeared like a huge woman covered in black cloth who for some reason kept swaying her head and at times toppling to one side. In what would have qualified to be a wonder or freak of nature in the 1800’s, maybe even today, the woman sprouted a male head and in a twitch of a second had separated into two bodies.
Enjoy your city ride folks.