Thursday 30 May 2013

A New Name for Aapro Zubin

Dinshaw Bamboat heaved his massive self up the first floor of the Jehangir Ruttanshaw Hiramaneck building. It was hot summer day but he had to be there. The Young Zoroastrian Parsee Boys and Girls Association had organized a special meeting of its members and this was one meeting that Dinshaw was not willing to miss. Not for the adrak pudna chai or mawa cakes from Merwanjee but for the single point agenda that was to be discussed. The community had fallen behind times and the future of the new generation was at stake. And the reason for this were the family names adopted by the previous generations  of families that had continued into this present century and had no connection whatsoever with the present generation. The convener was Mrs. Aloo Gotla, who it seems was highly troubled wherever she went. Most thought she was born during a scam and so was referred to as Ghotala. The fact that her first name also meant a potato did not bother her that much. Her daughter had threatened to marry a parjaat rather than a boxwalla or a gadiwalla or a havaldar. In today's times, you could be born in surat but end up with a name like Adenwalla and not know where Aden is. Thanks to your great-great-grandfather who once went to Aden, you had to carry the name around and bear the misery of people asking you whether you were from Aden. Also was the case of Aspi devlaliwalla whose family has lived in Godrej Baug for the last three generations and would much rather be called a Napeansearoadwalla.

At the stroke of 4, the meeting began. Aloo Gotla thanked all the young parsees for assembling at such a short notice and called upon the president to being the proceedings. Dinyar Daruwalla was the reigning president. In fact he had been president for the last 70 years of his 90 years ever since he established this Association. Dinyar was also as troubled as Aloo and there was reason enough. Dinyar Daruwalla was married to Binaifer Batliwalla. Their sons were married to Mehroo Todywalla and Kainaz Ginwalla respectively. Outside of their community the rest of world had begun to refer them as the Bevda family.

Dinyar rose from his Burma teak wood chair and took the mike. "My young friends", he began his address "Apre Punchayat has been kind enough to listen to our voice and the voice of young parsee zorastrians the world over. Our petition for new family names has been accepted and new names will be released by tomorrow". This was followed by a loud applause.

Percy Driver rose adjusting his sudreh kusti. "O Khodaiji maro dikhro will be so happy. He is a pilot in aapre Air India and everyone calls him Captain Driver. Ketlu embarrassing".

As the applause died down, Dinyar announced, "We shall now celebrate. everyone please proceed to the snacks counter and don't forget to hand over your coupons".

And what a majenu feast it was. Mutton pattice, chicken farcha, mutton cutless, raspberry soda, ginger lemon, and ice cream soda.

The next day the new names were out.

A historic decision declared Parsiana. Loss of parsipanu went the Jame. There were letters from Zubin Forbes, Mini Cooper, Jamshed De Vitre and Zeenia Commissariat protesting against the new names and corruption of the culture and minds. But who cared for the decision was made.

And so a new era began with these modern day names

1.       Settopboxwalla

2.       Cuffeparadewalla

3.       Kempscornerwalla

4.       Ambyvalleywalla

5.       Londonbridgewalla

6.       Sydneywalla

7.       Californiawalla

8.       Cablewalla (for limited period only)

9.       Sparklingwinebottlecorkopenerwalla

10.   Discjockey

11.   Pilot

12.   Informationtechnologywalla

13.   T20walla

14.   Monoraildriver

15.   Dukesraspberrygingerlemonbatliwalla

16.   Hiphopmoderncontempararysalsadanceacademywalla

17.   Minister

18.   Flightattendant

And last but not the least


Note: This article is a work of fiction and is to be read in a humorous way. All names/organizations are fictional. This article in not meant to bring harm to any person, living or dead, or any community or bring disrepute to any of them.

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